Under one roof? Left‐behind children's perspectives in negotiating relationships with absent and return‐migrant parents

Abstract Children—whether left behind or as migrants—have remained largely invisible in Southeast Asian migration scholarship. Their experiences and perspectives on migration, as well as how they demonstrate agency within the limits of culturally/socially constructed childhoods influenced by a “hybridisation” of global and local conditions, are often overlooked in favour of adults'. This article addresses this research lacuna by focusing attention on how left‐behind Indonesian and Filipino children between 9 and 11 years of age engage and react to the changes in their everyday lives brought about by both parental migration and parental return. Using both quantitative and qualitative data collected from a larger study on child health and migrant parents in Southeast Asia with return‐migrants, left‐behind carers, and children, this article highlights the experiences of left‐behind children by revealing their agency and creativity in managing changes in their daily lives due to the frequent and transient comings and goings of one or both parents.


| INTRODUCTION
Transnational familyhood as a social formation sustained through cultivating multifaceted social and emotional ties across borders is characterised by the frequent physical comings and goings of key family members (Basch, Glick Schiller, & Blanc-Szanton, 1994;Bryceson & Vuorela, 2002;Sørensen & Vammen, 2014). Although much attention has been paid to the formation, maintenance, and practices of transnational families, the research focus has been distributed unevenly in favour of adults'-both migrant and left-behind members'-perspectives thus far, with less consideration of children's experiences (exceptions include Dreby, 2007;Graham, Jordan, Yeoh, Lam, & Asis, 2012;Mazzucato & Cebotari, 2017). To address this gap, recent literature has begun encouraging a more "children-inclusive approach" to studying transnational families. Nonetheless, more can still be learnt about "children's varying roles in migratory processes" (Tyrrell & Kallis, 2017, p. 329) and how they manage changes in their everyday lives when parents migrate and return.
In this vein, this article explores the reactions of children through shifting familial circumstances due to the migration and return of their parent(s) over time. Acknowledging that children's agency, ability, and consequential actions may change over their life course even as family circumstances vary, it highlights how Indonesian and Filipino leftbehind school-aged children understand, engage, and react to the effects of their parents' movements in their everyday lives. It considers the strategies they employ to maintaining a transnational relationship with their migrant parents and the adjustments they undergo when their parents return. Pivotal to these explorations is the attempt to highlight and better understand children's agency in navigating the The article continues with a brief overview of the importance of a child-centred focus in migration studies before turning to the context and methodological underpinnings of this particular study. To examine how the various forms of children's agency at different ages manifest at distinct varying points in the migration process, the article highlights two transitional "times of migration" (Cwerner, 2001): first, how left-behind children manage parental absence in relation to the maintenance of long-distance relationships with their migrant parents; and second, how they negotiate physical (re)contact and renewed relationships when their once-absent parents return home. Overall, the article considers how children demonstrate agency in maintaining familial ties within a transnational household and how they contribute to (re)building family rhythms as family morphologies shift over their life course and at different stages of the migration process.

| CHILDREN'S AGENCY OVER TIME AND DIFFERING CONTEXTS
An important approach to furthering the understanding of children's agency is to centre on the "experiences, narratives and stories of migrants and young people" within the growing field of migration research (Kallio & Bartos, 2017;McKinney, 2014, p. 5). Youths and children have distinct, perhaps even alternative, experiences, meanings, and interactions within the processes of migration that are often overlooked (Bushin, 2009;McKinney, 2014). A retelling of their migration stories provides the gateway to learning about how young people's (including children's) identities, ambivalence, and liminality are shaped in relation to their experiences of significant migration events within specific familial contexts in today's neoliberal times of quickened but uneven mobility across borders (McKinney, 2014).
Overall, a child-centred focus in migration studies helps move traditional depictions of children-whether migrants or left-behind members-as "baggage" to portraying them as effective migration agents with the ability to shape and influence their fellow family members' lives as well as offer support and help in the migration process (Chiu & Choi, 2018;Dobson, 2009;Huijsmans, 2018;Ní Laoire, Carpena-Méndez, Tyrrell, & White, 2010;Orellana, Thorne, Chee, & Lam, 2001). Given that children's agency develops largely through their interactions with their family members within a context affected by a "hybridisation" of global and local conditions (van Nijnatten, 2013;Vandenbroeck & Bouverne-de Bie, 2006), it is especially important to study children of migrant families-including those left behind by migrant parents-within the site of the family where their familial interactions may often be distant, intermittent, disrupted, and/or impeded and where their ensuing situated reactions may also be varied.
Children's "agency" or "capacity to affect things"-not merely in terms of resistance-is not uniform but dependent on structures of power and inequality and must be considered in terms of intentionality, cultural constructions, and power (Ortner, 2006, p. 137). Though children do have the intention and capacity to perform consequence-bearing actions, their relative position to other persons or conditions can influence their ability to effect any significant change, thus rendering them comparatively "passive" at certain moments (James & James, 2004). 1 At the same time, although they are not "necessarily powerful political actors who can take a major part in shaping their own histories" (James & James, 2004, p. 24), their acting capacity and passivity may change progressively in noticeability and intensity over their own life course and shifting circumstances as they acquire more "extensions that affect individuals' capacities to act" (Blazek, 2016, p. 226). Even as children's agency and lives are affected by various social, cultural, and economic conditions in which they are embedded, their situated (re)actionswhether in compliance, conciliation, or resistance-are concurrently reliant on their individual competencies in discernment, perception, management, rationalisation, and problem-solving within the confines of the very context in which they live (Choi, Yeoh, & Lam, 2018).
Temporality or temporal orientations are equally fundamental aspects of agency insofar as ones' interactions and responses to situational exigencies matter (Hitlin & Elder, 2007). Time is especially a critical component when studying children's agency within the migration context given its important relationship to both children's developmental growth and life course as well as migration processes (Carling, Menjívar, & Schmalzbauer, 2012;Elder, 1998). First, children's developmental stages vary considerably through their infancy and adolescence, and children in late middle childhood (generally ages 8 to 11) would particularly be developing increased abilities in thinking, reasoning, understanding, and expression (Feldman, 2010;Meggitt, 2012;Santrock, 2007). In the same vein, children would interact, react, and be affected differently at the various conspicuous times of migration (and/or when being left-behind)-for instance, times of adjustment immediately after migration (strange, heteronomous, and asynchronous), increasing ambivalence as migration experience develops (remembered, collage, and liminal) and long-term temporal outlook of the migration experience (nomadic and diasporic) as proposed by Cwerner (2001).
At the same time, space and place also matter in the children's process of maturing and development. Recognising that childhood is both a social and spatial construction, there are demonstrably "pervasive spatial discourses in societies that work to contain, channel or prevent children's agency" whether in their places at home and/or neighbourhood or their relative "place/position" as children in the household hierarchy (Nairn & Kraftl, 2016, p. 4). The shaping of children's identity and agency are very much processes that are "enmeshed in relations that comprise not only individual interactions at the micro level but also larger cultural imaginaries linked to neighbourhoods and society," as well as global processes (Raffo, 2011, p. 4). On the one hand, spaces/places are continually (re)made through human actions and emotions such as routines, habits, and normalised behaviour thus compelling people (including children) to behave in particular ways. Yet, spaces/places do not just constrain actions and practices, and it is equally important to examine children's experiences and expressions of agency, creativity, or subversion in such adult-defined places to better comprehend intergenerational relations and tensions occurring within them (Nairn & Kraftl, 2016).
This article is thus concerned with how left-behind children's actions and/or nonactions are shaping their worlds even as they continually develop within a migrant household. It recognises both children's capacity and incapacity in relation to their shifting environment and avoids making excessive assumptions on their behalf to prevent confining them to any particular position from the outset.
Children's agency is examined within their personal contexts and familial relationships as left-behind children of migrant parents and at "the micro level of peer interactions" influenced by global processes across a timeframe characterised by the rhythms and ruptures of their parents' (sometimes multiple, often indefinite) departures and returns (Vandenbroeck & Bouverne-de Bie, 2006, p. 128).
Here, children's situated agency is brought to the fore through an exploratory examination of Indonesian and Filipino left-behind children's stories. Childhood experiences are notably diverse across and within both countries, but the lives of the left-behind Indonesian and Filipino children in this article are joined by a common thread of growing up within a prevalent migration context that is influenced by a host of factors including gender (of migrants, carers, and children), length of migration, and destinations. Although we are increasingly gaining insights into the mixed impact of parental migration on the citizenship (see Butt & Ball, 2018) and developmental aspects (such as behaviours, education, mental and physical health, and relationships) of Indonesian and Filipino childhoods through a growing number of studies (examples include Asis, 2006;Battistella & Conaco, 1998;Graham & Jordan, 2011;Graham et al., 2012;Parreñas, 2005 In surveying the broader political and economic context in which Southeast Asian children are growing up, scholars (see Ball, 1997;Battistella & Asis, 2013;Silvey, 2004;Yeoh, Platt, Khoo, Lam, & Baey, 2017)  or even all of their growing years in their overseas parent(s)'-often the mother-absence. Although no official figures are available, estimations postulate that around 1 million Indonesian children and some 3 to 6 or even 9 million Filipino children are living apart from their parents due to migration (Bryant, 2005;Parreñas, 2005;Reyes, 2008).
Even as Indonesian and Filipino children are potentially reaping the economic, educational, and material benefits from migration (Asis, 2006;Khoo et al., 2014), they are also coping with living prolonged periods without one or both parents under the same roof. Despite rising remittance revenues, there is no corresponding increase in development and/or economic opportunities at home, and underdevelopment, underemployment, and unemployment persist (Battistella & Asis, 2013;IOM, 2010). Hence, temporary migration has become entrenched as a commonly used household advancement strategy, and the transnational family formation looks set to continue for generations to come. To understand the impacts of migration on children under 12, the study surveyed and interviewed children ages 9 to 11 to capture preadolescent views at the tail end of "childhood." As mentioned earlier, children in this stage have higher awareness and are able to express themselves better than younger children but still have limited capacity to act in comparison with adolescents. Interviews with children adhered closely to approved ethics guidelines and adopted ice-breaking and confidence-building activities such as the "Protection closer analysis of the interviews also revealed the limits within which children could exercise agency due to their uneven access to telecommunication technologies (similar to findings from Ansell, 2009;Hoang & Yeoh, 2015;Parreñas, 2014;Vertovec, 2004).
Apart from having little control over the telecommunication infrastructures available within their communities, many children were also constrained within their own homes in terms of their means of initiating or accessing the necessary tools to contact their parents directly.
Similar to other studies (see Hoang & Yeoh, 2015;Parreñas, 2014), it was usual to hear many of the children sharing during interviews their inability to initiate communication with their migrant parents as and when they wish. For most left-behind children, contacting one's parent was often not as simple as Pauline (9, Filipino), who had ready easy access to a cell phone, described, "I look for her [migrant-mother's] number and I press the numbers so I can talk to her." Instead, many could do "nothing" but "wait" for their overseas parents to call first because they either do not have the capacity (often economic), permission, or access to phones to make calls. The length of this waiting period is also affected by other factors such as time difference and migrants' respective working and living situations that may further restrict telecommunications access (e.g., migrants in occupations such as live-in domestic work were unable or only able to call at times when children would have gone to bed; Graham et al., 2012). For some of the children, this "waiting" was built into a regular schedule implemented by the adult members of the household, and where they were willing to accept as they did not feel the urge or need to modify communication patterns. Aware that their parents would call at fixed days/times, However, there were clear indications that children aspired to possess their own mobile phones, and some became less accepting of this restriction (Graham et al., 2012). Rather than heed her mother's instructions to wait until she was older and had demonstrated responsibility by studying harder, children such as Oji exercised both persistence and strategy in insisting on their right to mobile phone ownership. Despite seemingly agreeing with her mother, Although communication is often conducted "to produce intimacy and to nurture the family" (Parreñas, 2014, p. 439), what children say or omit during their conversations further revealed their agency in negotiating long-distance intimacy with their absent parents and influencing the degree of involvement absent parents had in their daily lives. Conversations could range from outright antagonistic rejections of contact or intimacy to highly intimate moments when children expressed their love, concern, and longing for the absent parent. Some children also expressed empathetic understanding of their migrant parents' circumstances even where they had limited information and only their imagination to go by. They then strived to develop a more positive long-distance relationship with their migrant parents. She has the same attitude as her older brother. When they know they did something wrong and their father would call, they would refuse to talk to him. Sometimes he would call their personal cellular phones and they would turn it off.
Isabelle and her brother were clearly proficient at manipulating communication technologies to their own advantage, knowing that they could simply "turn it off" to avoid a scolding and turning the phone back on again when the coast clears.
Generally, the left-behind children in this study had little say over their parents' migration decisions, which parent migrated and for how long. Yet, with varying degrees of control, they were able to express some agency in negotiating long-distance relationships with their absent parents. Many were particularly limited in their efforts to initiate contact or access communication technologies. However, their agency becomes more apparent in their management of long-distance relationships through their choice of conversation topics and disclosure of information.
Most of the children were not passive in trying to gain more control over communication channels, particularly as they grow older. Rather, they exhibited an eagerness to gain some level of autonomy, by being vocal or strategic in requesting for mobile phones and learning new skills.
Children's attempts to control conversational exchange and information flow further revealed their growing maturity and sensibility in managing transnational relationships, throwing some light on the roles they played in furthering transnational family projects.

| WHEN PARENTS RETURN TO THE FOLD: (RE)BUILDING THE FAMILY RHYTHM
Growing up in the absence of one or both parents for long stretches of time necessitated a certain amount of adjustment for left-behind children when migrant parents returned to the household. Alongside personal developmental changes, children had to confront changes in the household and care arrangements when the migrant returned, whether temporarily or permanently, and adjust their behaviour-reflecting varying degrees of compliance, compromise, or resistance-accordingly.
Although most children were usually told to anticipate being reunited with their absent parents, they had to accommodate the "sudden" physical presence of a person in their daily routines who had previously been an "absent presence" for a large part of their formative lives. Their initial reactions thus varied considerably, ranging from avoidance ("hiding from" return-migrant) to being overly sticky ("always together"), and continuously changing over the adjustment period. For example, Paku (11, Indonesian) felt awkward seeing his mother again upon her return, "I said nothing [when I first saw ibu on her return]. I did not [hug or kiss her]. I did not want [her to kiss and hug me]. I was shy." His mother Sherly (37, Indonesian) continued, "He was shy at first. When he came home from school, he would usually go this way, but he went that way instead [to avoid me]." On the contrary, Veronica (34, Filipino) shared her close relationship with Jade (10, Filipino), "We are good. We are always together, close to each other. I hug her, kiss her." Rather than merely waiting for return-parents to make the effort to reconnect with the family, many children were also instrumental in synchronising the return-migrant into the rhythms of an already established family life. This was the case even when some of these changes to the family rhythm were not particularly welcomed by the children. A commonly encountered change that many children described was the enforcement of a stricter discipline regime by the return-parent, particularly mothers. Free-spirited Claire woefully complained she was "no longer free" to go wherever or do whatever she wanted now that her mother was home. Besides losing much liberty to move around the neighbourhood freely now that they had to succumb to an additional pair of watchful eyes, children also reported having to get used to newly enforced restrictions on playing computer games, tighter curfews, and more intense scrutiny on personal hygiene.
Indonesian children such as Victori (aged 10) experienced a reduction in playtime in favour of increased prayer time when their mothers returned. Most children also found themselves having to focus more on study sessions, and some said that they performed better academically when their migrant parents were home.
Like Claire, many children did not relish the stricter discipline and tighter restrictions imposed on them after the migrant's long absence.
Nonetheless, as Claire's return-mother Jenna (31, Filipino) attested, the children did not protest too much and were generally obedient in order to facilitate a closer relationship with the return-parent. Although Marianne was unhappy with her return-mother's strict and controlling ways, she said she "never complained" and did what she was told. She also expressed wanting her mother around at home, even as her mother prepared for yet another migration stint. Although children's obedience could be viewed as their passive capitulation to a more circumscribed regime, the children's own accounts suggested that their willing compliance and seeming loss of autonomy were also aligned with the role they played in making space for the return-migrant in their lives in trying to reintegrate the once-absent parent into the family rhythm.
Children also discovered that they had to perform more household chores at a higher standard of cleanliness after their mothers returned. Besides doing what was asked of them, children also played a role in (re)stitching familial relationships now that the migrant has returned.
While return-parents were eager to spend more time reconnecting with their children, children also reciprocated by giving up playtime with their friends to stay close by their parent's side. Children such as Jade and Dumadi (10, Indonesian) also turned more "childish" and reliant in demeanour and, through episodes of "babyish" behaviour, allowed return-parents to resume their parenting roles, re-bond with their children, and reconnect to the household web of care. Some of the more mature children acted even more purposively to promote intimate interactions among family members by requesting that the family engaged in joint activities such as cooking, shopping, "hanging out," or "watching television programmes" together. A few were also conscious of the need for their once-separated parents to spend some quality time together. mother's calls was thus a method adopted by Sira to escape her discipline. His father agreed that the migrant-mother was strict, Well, she is … a bit mean when she is at home. If her children make a little mistake, they will be pinched … they fight their mother, something like that … [But when the mother is away] they have never been beaten … it is not permitted.
The estrangement reached a point when his migrant-mother had to threaten withholding gifts if the children refused her calls, "[The mother said], 'if you do not wish me to call, do not ask anything from me' , something like that, then the children wish to [talk to her]." Although Sira initially expressed happiness about having his mother home, he could not accept her "mean" or overly harsh way of demonstrating care during her brief visit. He confessed that he did not miss his mother and hoped that she would remain a migrant as long as possible so that he could continue escaping direct contact with her. In some cases, migration amplified existing tensions in the parental care relationships. The happiness of having a parent home might be eclipsed by feelings of resentment over these unresolved tensions.

| CONCLUSION
Although the two neighbouring archipelagos in Southeast Asia have different colonial and religious histories, Indonesia and the Philippines have experienced similar developmental pressures in recent decades and followed a comparable pathway in becoming major migrant-sending, remittance-dependent countries. As a result, many children in the two countries are growing up in the absence of one, and sometimes both, parent as overseas work-often in retrogressive occupations such as domestic work (for the women) and construction labour (for the men)-has become a significant means of lifting families out of poverty or achieving socio-economic mobility. This, however, does not mean that Indonesian and Filipino left-behind children are passive observers of their parents' migration. Similar to Asis' (2006)  changes. The results of their actions may also not be immediate but only becoming evident several years down the road. Nonetheless, the interactions between children and the adults do make "a difference-to a relationship, a decision, to the workings of a set of social assumptions or constraints" (Mayall, 2002, p. 21).
Children's situated agency was explored in this article through their home spaces at two distinct "times" in the transnational labour migration process, namely, during the parent's time away and when parents return, and also over time as children grow in maturity. Children had varying roles to play in each migration period, maintaining transnational relationships, reintegrating return-parents into the familial relationships, and also managing ruptured relationships. Through their actions, children were able to influence the degree an absent parent can remain present in the home in a parallel state of synchrony, as well as the extent a return-parent can harmoniously synchronise with the established family rhythm. Children's actions may also contribute to either closing or furthering ruptures that have emerged during the parent's absence in the course of migration.
pregnant early in order to form their own complete families (Parreñas, 2005;Sampang, 2005). Experiences of family ruptures are thus not gender specific.